As It Should Be
by Half Demon Alchemist
Summary: It was decided. Tonight he would end it. Tonight he would end the pain, and his life in the process. Roy betrayed him. After everything he had done, after everything he had said, Roy had betrayed him. "End it." The little voice in Edward's head whispered to him. "End the pain. End it all." Tonight, everything would end. Permanently.


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**Dedicated to: Angel of Broken Hearts! Formerly known as Artimus Suzuki! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA!**

**Inspired by: A Love That Never Existed by Angel of Broken Hearts.**

_Edward's POV_

He did this. He did this to me. He betrayed me like this. How could he? How could Roy? I had known when we started dating that he was a womanizer, but he had said that no other woman mattered as long as he could have me.

And I let him. I let him have me, completly. My mind, soul and body belonged to my colonel.

My heart belonged to him.

And Roy had crushed it. Stepped on it. Thrown it away like trash. Maybe that's all I was. Trash.

I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve anyone.

The rain was pounding on my skin, making patterns down my cheeks like the tears I wanted to cry, but was too prideful to ever shed. I had just delivered the letter. Roy would get it soon, I had to move along, go with the plan.

The plan to end my life.

I walked to the doorstep of the dorm I lived in alone. Alone. As I always was, and always would be. Forever. I took off my red coat, which was soaked, and my black jacket, leaving me in a black tank top and my black leather pants.

Black was the color of death.

Black was the color of misery.

Black was the color of tragedy.

I plucked a sheet of blank paper from my desk. This was it, my goodbye. In the nicest handwriting I had ever used, I wrote my goodbye. Roy would get it when he came to see me. See me for the last time...

Unless he visited my grave, that is.

I examined the note over again. I wanted it to be perfect. I had messed everything up in my life, the least I could do was make the perfect goodbye letter. I placed my lovely note on the table. Roy would be sure to see it when he walked in.

First, he'd see the note. Then, my blood. My beautiful, crimson blood.

My blood was the only part of me that was beautiful, I should show it to everyone.

Yes, that's what I'll do.

I took the beautiful silver, clean knife from the shelf, where I had been hiding it. I knew this day may come, where I would end my life. But I had never known it would be because of my first, and only love.

One slash across my tan wrist. That was for the mistake I made as a child. Another slash. That was for Alphonse, and the hell I put him through. A third. That was for joining the military. A fourth. That was for meeting Roy. Fifth. That was for falling in love with him. Sixth. That was for not being good enough for him. My world was getting blurry, and I knew this last one would be the one that killed me.

I lifted the blade above my bleeding wrist. Right above the vein. This was it. This would end it. I hesitated before bringing the bloody knife across my wrist a final time.

_'End it.'_ The voices in my head whispered to me._ 'End the pain. End it. What are you waiting for?'_ It hissed at me_ 'End it.'_

The blade that was slick with the crimson blood and it glided across my wrist_. _I did it. I was ending it. The seventh slash. That was for everything. I spoke my final words with a soft smile. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm so very, very sor-"

My world was dark. As it should be.

As it always should have been.

* * *

_Roy's POV_

I had just gotten off the phone with my girlfriend, Riza, when the letter arrived. It looked like any ordinary letter, but I knew there was something different about it. Something I didn't like.

I grabbed the letter and read the front of the envelope. It was addressed to_ 'Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang.' _It had no return address or name of who it was from. The only other thing it said besides my name was one word that sent chills down my spine.

_'Goodbye.' _Was written in a familiar handwriting, and I immediately recognized it. It was the messy scrawl of my boyfriend, who I was admittedly, cheating on him. I couldn't resist. But I still loved him nonetheless.

I ripped the smooth seal of the letter, and unfolded the white paper.

'_Dear Roy,_

_By the time you're reading this, It's too late. Or so I hope.' _The letter read.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I muttered, before continuing reading this strange letter.

'_I suggest you go to my dorm now. I would hate for the surprise to be ruined.'_

"What surprise?" I asked myself. I was sure there was no anniversary or celebration I had missed. I was positive.

_'This is part one to my goodbye letter. The other half is in the dorm. I'll be at the dorm... Just not how you expect..._

_From,_

_Edward Elric._

_P.S. I'm sorry and... I hope you and Hawkeye are happy together. Forever.'_

"Just not how I expect? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" There was one thing I could say for sure, I was damn confused. Is he going to be a girl? A cat? Dead? A suit of armor?

Damn. Edward knew about Riza and I. Wait... Had I honestly thought I could keep that a secret from a prodigy?

And why was Edward sorry? What had he done? My previous thoughts made me think again.

Dead. That was one of the ideas I had. Dead. Puzzle pieces started connecting in my mind. 'Goodbye' he had said. 'I'm sorry' he had said... But that was impossible. Edward wouldn't kill himself. Never. There was no chance of it.

I dismissed the thought. I had a date with Riza now, but... I have a feeling I should go to Edward's, just really quickly instead. On my way to Edward's dorm I thought about what he meant by the second part of his goodbye.

Actually, I don't want to know.

As I arrived at Edward's residence, I realized I really didn't have a choice. I knocked once. No answer. Twice, no answer.

"Fullmetal! Open up! It's Roy!" There was no response as I pounded on his door. "Open up this door right now!" A panicked, scared feeling washed over me. Why wasn't Edward answering? Ed _always _answered the door, first to second knock. So why not now?

Panic took control of my body and I lifted my military boot clad foot and kicked the door open. I _had_ told him to answer. If he didn't, then I would simply use force.

I walked around the house, not even bothering to turn on the lights, just looking for any sign of Edward's existence. "Edward! Ed!" I called, but there was no reply. "Fullmetal! Where are you!" I asked, fear settling in my body.

Where was he? Where was the boy I loved? I looked over and saw a simple, wooden table. There was a note. _'The second part of the goodbye...'_ My mind whispered to me.

I briskly walked over and took hold of the piece of paper.

_'Roy, _

_So glad you could make it. I take it you haven't found my surprise yet?'_ I didn't stop to think about the strange choice of words.

_'This letter is for you. To apologize. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry. I wasn't good enough for you. I never was. I've known you were dating Hawkeye for a while now. After me. You cheated on me, and yet... I still love you. _

_But I am not sorry to say goodbye.'_

My obsidian eyes widened. Where was Edward? I needed to find him. Now. But before I went searching, I decided to finish the letter.

'_I am sorry for not being worthy of you. I'm sorry for always being such a brat. I'm sorry for being so ugly. _

_But I am not sorry for loving you._

_You stepped on my heart, crushed it and ripped it apart... But I can not find it in myself to hate you. In fact... It makes me love you more. You had given me what I deserved. I deserved that. _

_But I am not sorry for saying what I have.'_

I continued consuming each word as fast as Gluttony consumed people.

'_I still love you, and will to my last breath. I was not sorry for telling you any of these things._

_But I am sorry for ever living._

_Love, _

_Edward.'_

Why is he sorry for ever living? Shouldn't he say he's sorry he's... Still... Living. Oh, God... Please no.

I turned my head to the right. I saw a red liquid. But it wouldn't be. It couldn't be. My heart was pounding as I walked over to where the river of crimson blood was coming from.

...Edward.

Edward.

_Edward_.

There my precious blonde was, lying in a pool of his own blood, a silver knife gleaming in his hand. And there it was, a smile. He had been smiling as he killed himself.

And it was because of me.

I dropped to my knees, splashing my blue uniform with red. I picked Edward up and cradled him in my arms as I wept.

I had been the person to snuff out Edward's seemingly ever-present flame. I drove him to do this... I might as well of had just murdered him myself. He killed himself... Because of the pain I had put him through by cheating on him.

I should've been the one who died.

My mind was asking so many questions. But 'How did he do it?' Was the question I asked myself the most. I looked down at the body in my arms. It hadn't been the throat. It had been...

Oh. My. God. It was the wrist. He cut his own wrist. Seven deep uniform lines went up his arm. Seven... Seven sins. Mankind had seven sins, Wrath, Pride, Gluttony, Envy, Lust, Sloth and Greed.

_'I suppose Edward had different sins than the rest of us.' _Was my thought right before I saw it. It was a note. I small, folded up piece of paper, sitting in a river of blood. I grabbed it and quickly unfolded it.

I read the note in Edward's handwriting.

_'One: The mistakes I made as a child_

_Two: For Al and the hell I forced him to go through_

_Three: For joining the military_

_Four: For meeting Roy_

_Five: For falling in love with Roy_

_Six: That I was not good enough for him_

_Seven: For everything'_

I knew what this note was. This was a note with the reasons for each cut on his wrist. My tears poured down as I realized that I was four of the seven reasons.

If Edward had so many reasons that centered around me, how could I ever live and be happy, with Riza? Riza seemed like my partner in crime right now. I indirectly killed Ed, and she helped me do it.

I could never be happy with her.

I took off my long, black coat which was drowned in blood and removed my military jacket, leaving me in a white button up, collared shirt. I took Edward into my arms again, and removed the gleaming knife from his small, bloody hand and placing it on the floor. I took a piece of paper, and wrote my 'seven sins' on the paper. I also explained the situation of what Edward had done, and what I was about to do.

I wrapped my arms around Edward's waist, holding him close.

"I'm sorry I left you. I'm sorry I betrayed you." I whispered to him as I took out my military issued gun.

The safety on the cold, metal gun turned off, and I loaded it, ready to shoot. "I love you Edward. And I don't regret this." I said louder as I used one hand and placed the gun to my temple.

One hand on the gun. The other arm was wrapped around Edward tightly. I had made him suffer. I made him go through this alone. I started to pull back the trigger. I tightened my grip on Edward. Death could not separate us. Not now. Not ever.

My pale finger pulled back the trigger farther. I would not hesitate.

Once more, I secured Edward in my arms. I didn't want him to leave my side, ever again. I had left instructions to bury us together.

This was a sick, twisted game fate had planned for me, and I was tired of playing. "I love you Edward. I always have." I kissed his forehead. My final gesture to show my love for him.

And I pulled the trigger.

My world was dark. As it should be.

As it always should have been.

_END._

**Review! Hope you liked it!**

**My first attempt at first person POV, hope it didn't suck. Also, this is my first Character Death fanfic, so once more, sorry if it sucked.**


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